Tag: self-love

Prioritizing Self-Care Over Productivity

Hello there blog,

How’s it going?

I’m sorry I’ve been MIA from you all. I’ve been thinking about writing every day but have needed the break. I feel like my creativity and energy needed a little boost.

These past few months I’ve been ridiculously happier. Probably the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve been surrounded by great people and close friends, working on projects that I’m passionate about, and seeking out new adventures and experiences way out of my comfort zone.

I’ve traveled to new countries by myself, navigated through airports and spaces that didn’t speak English and made my way home, went out of my way to make new friends when I didn’t know a single person in a room, and have worked on having more personal conversations with the people in my life-even if it feels scary.

With all the wonderful things that have been happening in my life lately, I’ve forgotten to keep track of my mental health and make sure I’m taking care of myself. I’ve been under the impression that I’ve been so happy that I don’t need to follow my usual self-care rituals.

But I realize that I still need to make sure that I’m prioritizing self-care.

On a blog where I write about self-care and self-love and mental health frequently, it would seem hypocritical and insincere if I didn’t take a break from this blog to figure out how I’ve been feeling, to relax.

Our culture, that exists under capitalism and favors productivity, caffeine consumption, and constant engagement in projects and activities, doesn’t value relaxation, slowing down, and taking care of ourselves.

Doing things for personal pleasure and not for some sort of end goal oftentimes is seen as being self-indulgent

I love writing. I love this blog. I love running outdoors on sunny days. Why should I have to feel bad for doing these things?

I don’t this blog to turn into something on my to-do list rather than something I genuinely love to do.

Maybe this post is rambly. Maybe it doesn’t make a lot of sense. But my point is, self-care shouldn’t feel self-indulgent. It’s important to not get so wrapped up in the things you feel like you should be doing over the things you want to be doing.

You’re allowed to stop, slow down, relax, and do something you love for a little bit. That’s what I’m trying to do anyways.

It’s a work in progress. Here’s to setting aside some more time for me.

All the best,

Christina

Setting Aside Some Time for Yourself

This was originally posted on TheIthacan.org on 2/16/2016.

Given that the past couple of days seemed to be all about Galentine’s Day and Valentine’s Day and generally focusing on relationships, I think it’s time that we put aside some time to focus on ourselves today.

sl

This time of year can be difficult for a lot of people because of the heavily commercialized, heteronormative, couple-dominated holiday that is Valentine’s Day which excludes a great deal of people who don’t fit extremely narrow societal expectations.

That being said, I do appreciate the idea of stopping to think about the loved ones in our lives, appreciating them, and spending time with those we care about.

I just wish it didn’t have to be a specific day. I just wish it didn’t have to be a holiday that teaches young girls to feel bad about themselves if no one gives them chocolate and flowers.

I’ve spent many Valentine’s Days with close friends—ordering food, watching Netflix, at little gatherings, and one time my friend and I bought a heart-shaped pizza. Taking the time to celebrate and appreciate these relationships and connections is worthwhile—but it can leave you tired at the end of the day and in need of some personal time at the end of the day.

This Valentine’s Day I spent half the day running on four hours of sleep and the other half sleeping. I don’t regret spending my Saturday in full Galentine’s Day swing with games, spaghetti, pink wine, and Harry Potter that continued late into the night—but I was very tired the next day and in need of recharge.

So the next day, I made it my mission to set aside a day for just me—not romantic partners, not friends. Back in 2014, I was really stressed out all the time, I worked a job that required me to take care of other people and respond to problems constantly. I had no time for myself or to take care of myself.

I had to consciously carve out space and time for that. For about six months, I had little “self-care Sundays” which meant that every Sunday I would leave my college campus, stay in my bed, eat a lot of food, or exercise—whatever my mental health and body needed at the time.

That tradition ended when I stopped living alone and I had less physical space to spend the day taking care of myself.

Although I don’t miss the constant stress I felt back then, I do miss that time I used to always set aside just for me.

Which is why the day after Valentine’s Day I bought myself a red rose, a chocolate vegan cupcake, and let myself relax. I spent the rest of the day taking a break, doing a facial, and getting plenty of sleep.

sl2            sl3

Yes, you should set aside time to appreciate those you love but you should also set aside time to appreciate and take care of yourself. Doing so will allow you to cultivate better relationships with others.

Here’s to more self-care,

Christina

Some Thoughts on 2015, Ready for 2016

I started this blog on the very first day of 2015—and 2015 has been quite a year. In a semi-cliché way, it has been my best year so far—not because it was perfect or because all the things I planned on happening happened or because I didn’t fail at all the lofty resolutions I made—but because things were messy at times, because unplanned, unexpected moments happened, because I dropped my lofty resolutions in pursuit of tangible goals—moving away from aspirations to change myself and towards accepting myself.

One year ago today, I sat in a Subway in upstate New York when all the tables at a nearby Starbucks was full, typed out some thoughts, hit the backspace button, typed out more thoughts, hit the backspace button again, and repeated this for about an hour.

For women—or anyone whose identity marginalizes them—it can be challenging to allow yourself to take up space, to have valid thoughts and opinions, and to feel as if these thoughts and opinions are worth openly expressing. For a while, before I would start writing a post, I would have to shut down internal thoughts that what I’m saying doesn’t matter, that it’s unnecessary. Even though these thoughts still crop up every now and again, blogging has really helped me turn them off.

In 2016, I’m urging any of you out there with an idea for a project that you’re too afraid to start because you think it’s not important—go ahead and do it anyways. You don’t know what will come of it until you give it a shot.

I had no idea what was going to come out of that first post—a stipend to complete an internship with a progressive media outlet in Washington, D.C., which led to a summer position blogging for Young People For as their Civic Engagement Intern, starting their blog team, and joining their fellowship class. Through blogging and Young People For, I’ve been connected to a wonderful and supportive community of activists that I can lean on whenever I need a friend.

In 2016, don’t just set goals trying to fix things about yourself, create something. Do something with your hands, think critically, and use your body meaningfully instead of focus on the way it looks, its flaws, and what can be done to change it. Treat your body like a tool that can help you accomplish things.

On that note, in 2015 I made great strides towards loving my body and developing a sense of body positivity—something I’ve really struggled with in the past. I’m not saying that all is perfect now and that there aren’t still billion dollar media, fashion, and beauty industries in place propagating the idea that I should hate myself, but I’ve realized that self-love is critical and revolutionary and helps shut these industries down.

When I sat in that Subway to write my first post, I listened to two teenagers nearby talk about how much they hate their stomachs. It was what motivated me to stop backspacing and keep typing because we need to keep having these conversations, we need to be thinking about what still needs to change.

If I think back to my 13, 14, 15, or even 19-year-old self, I realize that I used to be (and at times still am) like those teenage girls at Subway. When degrading your body and degrading yourself for eating food is considered normal, it can be difficult to realize why we do these things and to even notice when you’re doing them.

In 2015, I started running in the daylight. I used to always run only in the dark because I didn’t want the people I passed to see my body, to see me sweating and breathing heavily—because that doesn’t happen naturally when we run, does it? It wasn’t until I lived in Washington, DC and was faced with the choice of giving up doing something I loved or running during the day in front of people that I finally stopped caring so much. Running became a tool for me to connect with my body, to use it for something, to learn how to like it.

I also started running in a sports bra. This may seem insignificant but it matters to the part of me that used to wear t-shirts on the beach and struggle in the dining hall every day over whether or not to eat fries or salad with no dressing. Exposing my stomach, unapologetically, amidst all these messages that my body is ugly and that I should change it, is a big deal.

In 2016, if learning how to love your body is too difficult, work on finding other ways to connect with your body. It doesn’t have to be anything physical like running, it can be painting, writing, going outside, or having fulfilling conversations. Find what works for you.

Another one of my favorite parts of 2015 was my internship in the Education Department at The Advocacy Center, a local sexual assault resource center, where I created resources for student activists and helped facilitate programs on healthy relationships and bystander intervention. Working there helped me recover from a bad part of my own life and taught me what I deserve in relationships and what steps we can take as a community to eradicate gender-based violence.

In 2016, don’t be afraid to demand more from the people in your life and set higher standards for how you deserve to be treated.

The theme for my 2016 is to be unapologetic. To let myself take up space and be unapologetic when it comes to the food I eat, clothes I wear, the skin I choose to show, the expectations I have for my relationships, and speaking my mind. To keep writing, learning, and thinking critically. To read more books and spend less time scrolling aimlessly through social media. To demand more from the people in my life, but to also learn how to forgive and heal and move on from hurt. To create more content, more blog posts, to express my thoughts unapologetically.

I think I’ll end my first post of 2016 there. Thanks for supporting and reading. I’m looking forward to what’s coming this year. Following my own first tip, I have a new project on the way in the coming months. I’ll keep it a surprise for now.

All the best,

Christina

You Deserve Healthy Relationships, Plural.

This past Thursday I started facilitating a program called SPEAK, a prevention program for adults with developmental disabilities that focuses on education around consent and healthy relationships. Although I really want to share my thoughts on this program and the ways that it acknowledges that people with disabilities have sexual desires and want fulfilling relationships just as much as the rest of us (something our culture often forgets,) today I want to focus on one component of the program: healthy relationships.

Our culture tends to put romantic relationships on a pedestal and tell us that we’re not complete on our own. For example, we see the same narrative played out over and over again in movies and sitcoms—the successful woman with a great career whose love life is a disaster. We see her lack of a romantic relationship as a complete failure. Its cultural attitudes like this that lead people (male, female, and otherwise) to settle for unhealthy relationships because that seems to be easier and more accepted than being single.

I think that stinks.

Early on in the SPEAK program, we had the participants tell us different people that they have relationships with. We got answers like mom, dad, cousins, co-workers, sisters, friends, teachers, boyfriends, girlfriends, healthcare professionals, bus drivers, and acquaintances.

One of the facilitators then went on to ask the participants if it matters if they are treated badly by a boyfriend or girlfriend vs. an acquaintance. Is one more acceptable than the other? She asked them.

The answer is no. We deserve to feel genuinely respected and appreciated by and safe with everyone we come into contact with.

That means that you should ditch that significant other that’s always flirting with other people as much as you should rethink your relationship with your aunt who always points out when you gain weight or the friend who always blows off plans.

Although there tends to me more emphasis on romantic relationships, you deserve multiple fulfilling, beneficial, healthy relationships that allow you to grow as a person.

I know many people, including myself, who have stayed in unhealthy partnerships for longer than they should have because they didn’t feel like they deserved any better or could do any better. I’m telling you, you do deserve better and you can do so much better.

Say it with me: I deserve respect. Now say it again.

The days surrounding Valentine’s Day can feel very lonely and isolating for some people. Take some time today to reflect back on the positive relationships in your life, not just romantic ones. Not to get to cheesy, but remind yourself of the wonderful people in your life who make you laugh and listen to your problems and make you feel better when you’re sad. Remember that you deserve all these things and more.

With love,

Christina

Love

New Year’s Resolutions?

I meant to post this a few days ago but for the past two weeks I’ve been taking Principles of Microeconomics at a community college by my house so I could finish my Gen. Ed requirements and get out of a semester-long math class. However, fitting in the fifteen weeks of work into two was actually kind of a waste of time. I wrote most of this post during a discussion on currency exchange and at one point my professor left the room to grade papers for so long that me and three other people in my class left the building, drove down the street, bought pizza, drove back, and ate the pizza without my professor even noticing. He came back in the room about thirty minutes later and said “where did that pizza box come from?” I’m glad that the money I spent on the course and the $94 textbook that sat in the backseat of my car the whole time went to good use.

Anyways, the course is over now so let’s talk about New Year’s Resolutions.

Do you notice how at the start of every New Year (after the hangover subsides) we all restart the clock and collectively deicide that we totally want to run more miles, lose more weight, and become better people? I’m all for self-improvement, but do you notice that most people only focus on improving their appearance?

If I were to sift through the many articles recommending goals to set for the New Year that keep popping up on my social media pages, the majority the articles that are not listing ways to lose those extra pounds or offering tips on going to the gym more often are about romantic relationships. I saw articles with titles like “relationships resolutions” and “dating resolutions all single girls should make.” So basically, you have two options: you should focus on making yourself look more attractive, or you should change yourself so then someone else can find you attractive.

Why is it that self-improvement and becoming better versions of ourselves is synonymous with losing weight and being skinnier and more physically attractive?

We live in a culture that promotes being thin and fears being fat. That’s why we care so much about dropping pounds and fitting beauty standards. I’ve felt that pressure. I’ve made resolutions to lose extra weight and it didn’t do much for me. I found that making those resolutions only made me feel bad about eating high-calorie food and stare in mirrors more often. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to eat more veggies or go running, but people should set these goals for the rights reasons. Let me tell you, there’s so much more to a person than looks and weight (you know, brains, talent, personal achievement, etc.) and we should work to focus on that more.

This year, my goal is to focus on self-care and self-love.

I don’t want to create a list of my flaws that I want to improve, I want to work on remembering what I actually like about myself and what makes me happy. I think we should all do more things that make us happy in 2015. Whether that’s taking more time for yourself, or giving yourself a day to do nothing in pajamas, or maybe challenge yourself to start a new project or a hobby. Or my personal favorite, stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself you’re awesome every now and again.

Let’s not put ourselves down. Let’s not only focus on what we feel like we need to fix about ourselves. Let’s not fret about our weight so much. Instead, let’s focus on what we love about ourselves.

Here’s to a year full of self-care.

All the best,

Christina