Tag: self-care

Prioritizing Self-Care Over Productivity

Hello there blog,

How’s it going?

I’m sorry I’ve been MIA from you all. I’ve been thinking about writing every day but have needed the break. I feel like my creativity and energy needed a little boost.

These past few months I’ve been ridiculously happier. Probably the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve been surrounded by great people and close friends, working on projects that I’m passionate about, and seeking out new adventures and experiences way out of my comfort zone.

I’ve traveled to new countries by myself, navigated through airports and spaces that didn’t speak English and made my way home, went out of my way to make new friends when I didn’t know a single person in a room, and have worked on having more personal conversations with the people in my life-even if it feels scary.

With all the wonderful things that have been happening in my life lately, I’ve forgotten to keep track of my mental health and make sure I’m taking care of myself. I’ve been under the impression that I’ve been so happy that I don’t need to follow my usual self-care rituals.

But I realize that I still need to make sure that I’m prioritizing self-care.

On a blog where I write about self-care and self-love and mental health frequently, it would seem hypocritical and insincere if I didn’t take a break from this blog to figure out how I’ve been feeling, to relax.

Our culture, that exists under capitalism and favors productivity, caffeine consumption, and constant engagement in projects and activities, doesn’t value relaxation, slowing down, and taking care of ourselves.

Doing things for personal pleasure and not for some sort of end goal oftentimes is seen as being self-indulgent

I love writing. I love this blog. I love running outdoors on sunny days. Why should I have to feel bad for doing these things?

I don’t this blog to turn into something on my to-do list rather than something I genuinely love to do.

Maybe this post is rambly. Maybe it doesn’t make a lot of sense. But my point is, self-care shouldn’t feel self-indulgent. It’s important to not get so wrapped up in the things you feel like you should be doing over the things you want to be doing.

You’re allowed to stop, slow down, relax, and do something you love for a little bit. That’s what I’m trying to do anyways.

It’s a work in progress. Here’s to setting aside some more time for me.

All the best,

Christina

Setting Aside Some Time for Yourself

This was originally posted on TheIthacan.org on 2/16/2016.

Given that the past couple of days seemed to be all about Galentine’s Day and Valentine’s Day and generally focusing on relationships, I think it’s time that we put aside some time to focus on ourselves today.

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This time of year can be difficult for a lot of people because of the heavily commercialized, heteronormative, couple-dominated holiday that is Valentine’s Day which excludes a great deal of people who don’t fit extremely narrow societal expectations.

That being said, I do appreciate the idea of stopping to think about the loved ones in our lives, appreciating them, and spending time with those we care about.

I just wish it didn’t have to be a specific day. I just wish it didn’t have to be a holiday that teaches young girls to feel bad about themselves if no one gives them chocolate and flowers.

I’ve spent many Valentine’s Days with close friends—ordering food, watching Netflix, at little gatherings, and one time my friend and I bought a heart-shaped pizza. Taking the time to celebrate and appreciate these relationships and connections is worthwhile—but it can leave you tired at the end of the day and in need of some personal time at the end of the day.

This Valentine’s Day I spent half the day running on four hours of sleep and the other half sleeping. I don’t regret spending my Saturday in full Galentine’s Day swing with games, spaghetti, pink wine, and Harry Potter that continued late into the night—but I was very tired the next day and in need of recharge.

So the next day, I made it my mission to set aside a day for just me—not romantic partners, not friends. Back in 2014, I was really stressed out all the time, I worked a job that required me to take care of other people and respond to problems constantly. I had no time for myself or to take care of myself.

I had to consciously carve out space and time for that. For about six months, I had little “self-care Sundays” which meant that every Sunday I would leave my college campus, stay in my bed, eat a lot of food, or exercise—whatever my mental health and body needed at the time.

That tradition ended when I stopped living alone and I had less physical space to spend the day taking care of myself.

Although I don’t miss the constant stress I felt back then, I do miss that time I used to always set aside just for me.

Which is why the day after Valentine’s Day I bought myself a red rose, a chocolate vegan cupcake, and let myself relax. I spent the rest of the day taking a break, doing a facial, and getting plenty of sleep.

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Yes, you should set aside time to appreciate those you love but you should also set aside time to appreciate and take care of yourself. Doing so will allow you to cultivate better relationships with others.

Here’s to more self-care,

Christina

Let’s Talk About Activist Burnout

Hi there, blog. Do you remember me?

I’ve missed you. I really have.

Each day I tell myself I want to blog. I tell myself that today will be the day that I post. I have lists of blog ideas in my notebook right now. I have written many blogs at my job. I have mostly-completed blogs just sitting on my desktop.

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But each time, something stops me.

A few days ago I read a passage in Roxane Gay’s book Bad Feminist that really seemed to describe what I’ve been feeling but never knew how to explain:

“We all have history. You can think you’re over your history. You can think the past is the past. And then something happens, often innocuous, that shows you just how far you are from being over it.”

Lately certain events and random occurrences in my life have dragged old, distressing memories to the forefront of my brain.

We all have moments that brought us to care about the things we do, to fight for the things we want to fight for. For me, a lot of what brought me to do the work I do—which mostly involves engaging people in conversations centered on equality, gender, healthy relationships, and activism—came from those memories which have me a strong desire to fight back, to take experiences that once brought me pain and use them to help people.

My drive to keep pushing forward for change came from those memories. But now my drive has been slowing drastically. And I hate it.

A few days ago I bought tickets to play inside the ball pit inside the National Building Museum in Washington, DC. The ball pit was essentially a giant pit of balls exactly like you would see in McDonalds but bigger and deeper and kind of dangerous.

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One moment you could be standing and totally fine and the next you could be slowly sinking, getting stuck and buried beneath a million tiny white balls. I would start to slip beneath the surface and then I would fight to break free.

That’s how I feel right now.

I feel like old memories and little things—that remind me how messed up the world still is and how much work there still is to do—keep piling up, threatening to bury me and I keep having to fight to break free to the surface again.

I know this post is metaphor-heavy but I think that’s what it needs to be.

The weird thing about the way I feel right now is that I don’t feel unhappy. I have many good things in my life and I’m aware that I have many good things. I feel more confident than I ever have before in my life.

But right now I also feel buried by all the things that still need to change.  

This weekend was rough. I realized how much I’m chained to my anger. Nothing huge happened. Instead, it was a collection of occurrences that added up.

I felt anger at  the men who cat called me outside my metro stop—just like they do every time I walk home alone. I felt disgusted by all the men who felt they were allowed to touch me because I was wearing a tank top. I felt gross and objectified by the men who grabbed me to get me to dance with them even when I screamed the word “Stop” over the loud, thudding music. I’m furious that this behavior is normalized and allowed—and I have the right to be. I’m having trouble letting myself take up that much space.

This is just one example of how backwards everything is. This is just one example of what I’ve been experiencing lately.This isn’t even close to the worst injustices out there—but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.

It just means that I can’t give up yet—or ever.

But the way I’m feeling right now is telling me that I need to make some changes. I’ve written advice blogs on staying motivated before, but I missed something very important—I never talked about how critical it is to validate and address the way you feel.

All too often, when I try to call out something problematic, I’m just the annoying feminist activist who needs to chill, who doesn’t understand that that’s just the way the world is. And this happens frequently to anyone who dares to object to sexism, racism, ableism, etc.

Being silenced will not change anything, staying silent will not allow you to help make things better.

When it comes to feeling burnt out, take a break if you need. Reflect on the way you feel. Talk to others who will understand.* Find an outlet. Realize that you have a right to feel the way you do. Let yourself feel it.

Then keep going when you’re ready.

My voice is one of the few things I have among all the things in my life that I can’t control. I’m not going to give it up.

I’m ready to keep going.

*Although it is sadly stigmatized, seeing a counselor or mental health professional is always a good option when it comes to self-care and burnout.

How to Stay Motivated

Last night, I was sitting in my bed struggling to get off Facebook and actually finish my paper that was due the next day. I was tired. I wanted to go to sleep. I didn’t have any more energy to keep writing. As a last stitch effort to stay motivated, I looked up female empowerment playlists on YouTube and rocked out to Kelly Clarkson and Christina Aguilera and Beyoncé until I finished my paper.

Well, the same practice is true for activism. Sometimes when you’re working hard for your cause, being challenged, and potentially dealing with triggering, upsetting reminders that the world needs a lot of improvement—it can be really easy to feel in over your head. Sometimes you need to find a way to feel motivated again.

Here are some tips for avoiding burn out:

Find Sources of Inspiration

Picture with Laci Green

Laci Green at Cornell University www.youtube.com/lacigreen

When this picture was taken during Laci Green‘s visit to Cornell University this past September, I was feeling completely burnt out. Sometimes when you do sexual assault prevention work, people disclose things to you that you don’t always want to hear. That week in particular, I was exhausted and looking up bus ticket prices to head home for a couple days. Things didn’t work out and I ended up meeting Laci Green instead.

For those of you who don’t know, Laci Green is this amazingly talented YouTuber and sex education activist. She’s amassed over a million subscribers and she’s found success as an activist on a public platform. The fact that I was able to tell Laci that she changed my life and inspired me to become an activist myself reminded me that I needed to keep pushing forward.

Get Connected with Other Activists

If you’re a student activist, try finding activist-based organizations to get involved with on campus. Seek out support from other members who care about the same issues that you do. Create a network of other activists and allies that you can lean on when you need it.

Last summer I attended a conference for youth organizers in New York City. I met many students from schools all across the country who were just as passionate as I was. It was a great reminder that there are others out there who care about the same issues that I do. Look for chances to meet other activists and reach out when you need it!

Find Outside Sources of Support

Sometimes constantly hearing about prominent social issues and inequalities can be really draining and emotionally strenuous. Remember that your mental health matters. Many people jump at the mention of therapy—but find some sort of outside support if you feel like you’re too overwhelmed. Whether that’s talking to a mental health professional, a parent, a best friend, etc. Take the time to figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Recognize Your Limits

It’s not possible for one person to fix all the problems in the world. Keep your activist efforts realistic. Work hard and set strategic, measurable goals. Recognize the value of even the little things you do and don’t be too hard on yourself if things don’t go as planned.

Step Back

I find that ever since I started interning at The Advocacy Center and have been surrounded by constant conversation on various social issues, I’m less willing to discuss these issues with friends when I’m off the clock. When I pick my next show on Netflix, I’m going to pick something like Friends or Parks and Recreation over something like SVU. That’s because as much as I love it, I need to keep the activist components of my life separate from my personal life sometimes.

Be sure you give yourself a break when you need it. Step back when you start to feel like you’re running out of energy.

Remind Yourself What You’re Fighting For

Hanging above my bed is a corkboard full of pictures and other little reminders of the things I care about. There’s a letter from a close friend praising me for being so open-minded, poster from The Advocacy Center, the program flier from when I met Laci Green, and a sticker that says Got Consent? Every day I wake up and I’m reminded of why I’m working so hard. Surround yourself with little reminders of why your work matters to you.

Stay in tune with what you need and find out what personally works best for you. Stay strong and keep pushing forward.

New Year’s Resolutions?

I meant to post this a few days ago but for the past two weeks I’ve been taking Principles of Microeconomics at a community college by my house so I could finish my Gen. Ed requirements and get out of a semester-long math class. However, fitting in the fifteen weeks of work into two was actually kind of a waste of time. I wrote most of this post during a discussion on currency exchange and at one point my professor left the room to grade papers for so long that me and three other people in my class left the building, drove down the street, bought pizza, drove back, and ate the pizza without my professor even noticing. He came back in the room about thirty minutes later and said “where did that pizza box come from?” I’m glad that the money I spent on the course and the $94 textbook that sat in the backseat of my car the whole time went to good use.

Anyways, the course is over now so let’s talk about New Year’s Resolutions.

Do you notice how at the start of every New Year (after the hangover subsides) we all restart the clock and collectively deicide that we totally want to run more miles, lose more weight, and become better people? I’m all for self-improvement, but do you notice that most people only focus on improving their appearance?

If I were to sift through the many articles recommending goals to set for the New Year that keep popping up on my social media pages, the majority the articles that are not listing ways to lose those extra pounds or offering tips on going to the gym more often are about romantic relationships. I saw articles with titles like “relationships resolutions” and “dating resolutions all single girls should make.” So basically, you have two options: you should focus on making yourself look more attractive, or you should change yourself so then someone else can find you attractive.

Why is it that self-improvement and becoming better versions of ourselves is synonymous with losing weight and being skinnier and more physically attractive?

We live in a culture that promotes being thin and fears being fat. That’s why we care so much about dropping pounds and fitting beauty standards. I’ve felt that pressure. I’ve made resolutions to lose extra weight and it didn’t do much for me. I found that making those resolutions only made me feel bad about eating high-calorie food and stare in mirrors more often. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to eat more veggies or go running, but people should set these goals for the rights reasons. Let me tell you, there’s so much more to a person than looks and weight (you know, brains, talent, personal achievement, etc.) and we should work to focus on that more.

This year, my goal is to focus on self-care and self-love.

I don’t want to create a list of my flaws that I want to improve, I want to work on remembering what I actually like about myself and what makes me happy. I think we should all do more things that make us happy in 2015. Whether that’s taking more time for yourself, or giving yourself a day to do nothing in pajamas, or maybe challenge yourself to start a new project or a hobby. Or my personal favorite, stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself you’re awesome every now and again.

Let’s not put ourselves down. Let’s not only focus on what we feel like we need to fix about ourselves. Let’s not fret about our weight so much. Instead, let’s focus on what we love about ourselves.

Here’s to a year full of self-care.

All the best,

Christina