Tag: love

Healthy, Unconditional Love

I write a lot about relationships on this blog—but I mostly focus on what to look for, spotting negative behaviors, and expectations you should have. I don’t often talk about specific positive ones.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I thought I’d highlight a particular example of positive love that I have in my life.

My parents visited me abroad this week for the first and only time this semester. They left yesterday. I almost never cry. I especially never cry in front of other people—ever. But yesterday I cried in a public tube station and then again in front of my roommates.

So that happened.

My parents are the most important people in my life. I’m lucky to have them as a support system, to be able to call them when I’m in trouble—even if it means they’ll be disappointed—to be able to call them, no matter what, with anything.

It’s hard for me to think about the fact that I won’t see them for over three months now.

But being that sad when they left means that the relationship is strong, that I love them a whole lot. Healthy, unconditional love like that means that you can be mad at them in one moment—and still know that you would never not want them around.

Sadly, not everyone can find this type of love in their familial relationships, so be grateful if you can. Tell those people you love them, even when they’re making you mad, and especially when you don’t feel like it.

I’m going to keep this post short and cheesy to give you space to think about similar relationships you might have in your own life. Take some space—amidst this time of year that especially glorifies romantic love—and think about the people who truly matter to you the most. Tell those people you love them.

All the best,

Christina

You Deserve Healthy Relationships, Plural.

This past Thursday I started facilitating a program called SPEAK, a prevention program for adults with developmental disabilities that focuses on education around consent and healthy relationships. Although I really want to share my thoughts on this program and the ways that it acknowledges that people with disabilities have sexual desires and want fulfilling relationships just as much as the rest of us (something our culture often forgets,) today I want to focus on one component of the program: healthy relationships.

Our culture tends to put romantic relationships on a pedestal and tell us that we’re not complete on our own. For example, we see the same narrative played out over and over again in movies and sitcoms—the successful woman with a great career whose love life is a disaster. We see her lack of a romantic relationship as a complete failure. Its cultural attitudes like this that lead people (male, female, and otherwise) to settle for unhealthy relationships because that seems to be easier and more accepted than being single.

I think that stinks.

Early on in the SPEAK program, we had the participants tell us different people that they have relationships with. We got answers like mom, dad, cousins, co-workers, sisters, friends, teachers, boyfriends, girlfriends, healthcare professionals, bus drivers, and acquaintances.

One of the facilitators then went on to ask the participants if it matters if they are treated badly by a boyfriend or girlfriend vs. an acquaintance. Is one more acceptable than the other? She asked them.

The answer is no. We deserve to feel genuinely respected and appreciated by and safe with everyone we come into contact with.

That means that you should ditch that significant other that’s always flirting with other people as much as you should rethink your relationship with your aunt who always points out when you gain weight or the friend who always blows off plans.

Although there tends to me more emphasis on romantic relationships, you deserve multiple fulfilling, beneficial, healthy relationships that allow you to grow as a person.

I know many people, including myself, who have stayed in unhealthy partnerships for longer than they should have because they didn’t feel like they deserved any better or could do any better. I’m telling you, you do deserve better and you can do so much better.

Say it with me: I deserve respect. Now say it again.

The days surrounding Valentine’s Day can feel very lonely and isolating for some people. Take some time today to reflect back on the positive relationships in your life, not just romantic ones. Not to get to cheesy, but remind yourself of the wonderful people in your life who make you laugh and listen to your problems and make you feel better when you’re sad. Remember that you deserve all these things and more.

With love,

Christina

Love