Some Thoughts on the Orlando Shooting

I have many ideas for blog posts scrawled out on a notebook next to my bed. This isn’t one of those posts—these are just some things I need to say. I am so unbelievably sad about the shooting in Orlando, about the Islamophobia all over my social media platforms, and the media’s overwhelming attempt to overlook the fact that this was a hate crime.

It’s not a coincidence that this happened at a gay bar. It’s not a coincidence that it happened at a Latino-themed event and that many of the victims were people of color.  And it’s not a coincidence that it happened at a place that has historically been a safe haven for queer people of color.

We can’t forget that while having this important conversation. Instead, we need to talk about the hate that still exists, the way that safe spaces can become coopted, and how dangerous it can be to be LGBT—even in 2016.

This event isn’t some excuse for Islamophobia and to perpetuate even more hate. I think this is a chance to start talking about hate, violence, and the consequences of homophobia. That’s the conversation we should be having—not debating about the shooter’s religion.

Those are just a few things that I felt I needed to say. I’m sad right now. My heart is with the Orlando community, the victim’s families, those healing from wounds and injuries—both psychological and physical—and the queer community as a whole. I am with you.

I am with you.

Let’s Redefine How We Teach Young Girls Body Acceptance and Confidence: A Response to Discovery Girls Magazine

Discovery Girls Magazine describes itself as “a magazine created by girls, for girls.” Given that the magazine is aimed at girls as young as eight, I was shocked to come across an article on my newsfeed today titled: “What Swimsuit Best Suits You?”

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The layout of the magazine. Image Source.

The underlying premise: it’s never too early to teach young girls that their value comes from their bodies.

With lines like, “Find the perfect suit for your body type,” the message that can be discerned here is: only certain bodies deserve to be seen. It also sets up the idea that there are rules for how girls should present their bodies.

Have a curvy body? According to the spread, you better get yourself a one-piece.

The diagram reads: girls who are “curvy up top” should go for a one-piece with “side ties and cutouts that draw the eyes down,” while those who are “rounder in the middle” should opt for “busy geometrics” that “draw the eye inward.”

Let’s pause here for a moment. Who exactly is looking at these girls and why are these girls being painted as spectacles to be looked at in the first place? The implication here is that girls’ bodies are inherently sexual and there to be gazed at.

If we really want to help boost confidence in girls, then we can’t perpetuate narratives that their worth and self-esteem should rest in how they look to others, and in how desirable they are.

Let’s not forget the message that your confidence is inherently linked to what you wear and all it takes to feel confident in your body is finding the right swimsuit. The idea that happiness and feeling good about yourself are rooted in your appearance is a capitalist invention that many industries profit off of. And it doesn’t even work.

The angry response to the swimsuit feature led the Discovery Girls publisher to post an open letter acknowledging their mistake on Facebook.

A statement from the letter reads: “The article was supposed to be about finding cute, fun swimsuits that make girls feel confident, but instead it focused on girls’ body image and had a negative impact.”

I appreciate the response and the acknowledgement, but why does it take a swimsuit for a young girl to feel confident? Why does her confidence have to come from her appearance and her clothes? We have to remember that there wouldn’t be a similar article in a magazine targeted towards boys about what to wear to feel confident. In fact, we don’t feel the need to teach boys confidence at all.

So why do we teach girls to gain confidence through their looks?

Let’s look at the issue with this feature intersectionally now. Bikinis and swimsuits—we are told by the media—are for thin, able-bodied, and conventional bodies that are almost always modeled by white women. So for women and girls who live in unconventional bodies, it can be incredibly difficult—if not impossible— to feel good in a swimsuit.

That’s why this equation for confidence is not nearly enough. This does nothing but reinforce the status quo—operating under the thin ideal and norms about bodies.

I’ll admit it, I’ve fallen into this trap myself. I’ve written on this very blog about how I’ve grown to feel comfortable in my unconventional body wearing sports bras out in public and bikinis on the beach. But why is that what it took for me to stop feeling so bad about myself?

But you should know that I didn’t wear a bikini when I was nine. I already thought I didn’t have the right body type for it. So what about those girls? Where should their confidence come from?

Simply wearing the “right” thing won’t fix anything, it won’t suddenly boost self-esteem and it rests in the notion women are inherently insecure.

So let’s redefine how we teach body acceptance and confidence. Let’s teach young girls that you can like how you look and wear what you want regardless of whether or not it is “perfect for your body type” because that does not define you. Let’s teach young girls that feeling good about oneself can come from a variety of avenues that go beyond appearance—like talents, personal accomplishments, the ability to make people laugh or be a good friend, and so on.

Let’s challenge this narrative of bodies and confidence because we can do better. For the young girls reading this magazine and picking up these messages, we can do better.

Let’s Name Things for What They Are, Shall We?

This post was originally written for TheIthacan.org on April 19th, 2016

*This post is in response to the recent Public Safety Alert, which can be viewed here.

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault (because that’s what it’s called)

A couple of days ago, my phone buzzed with an alert from Public Safety. Since I’m not based on campus this semester, I oftentimes overlook these emails. But this time I saw that Public Safety is investigating a report of “forcible touching.”

Forcible Touching? I think what they mean is sexual assault.

According to the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network, “sexual assault is a crime of power and control. The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim.” Last time I checked, unwanted touching falls under this definition.

We need to call it what it is.

Not acknowledging someone’s experience like this, is feeding directly into rape culture.

I get it, the phrase “sexual assault” is scary and we don’t want to admit that it happens at Ithaca College—but it absolutely does. According to a report on campus sexual assault published by the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted during college and 27% of college women have experienced some form of unwanted sexual contact. On top of that, 90% of these crimes on college campuses are never reported.

So can we at least support those who do actually come forward? Can we validate their experiences? Can we call them what they are?

Maybe, if we do those things, one day there will be culture on college campuses where survivors feel safe in coming forward if they choose to.

Because right now, this inability to even give sexual assault the proper label, points to how seriously we take it.

It’s rape culture.

It’s downplaying the problem. And framing sexual assault as “touching” instead of a violation only implies that sexual harassment and unwanted touching and contact is not the worst thing in the world, that—like consensual touching—it happens sometimes.

To make matters worse, according to psychologist Lynn Phillips in her book Flirting with Danger, women and girls receive such conflicting messages about love, relationships, and male aggression that they struggle to even name their victimization and experiences. If we don’t call sexual assault what it is in official reports, it makes it that much harder for victims/survivors validate their own experiences.

Yes, even something as simple as a Public Safety email can reinforce to readers that their experience isn’t valid, that it won’t be called what it is, that coming forward isn’t worth it.

As a writer, I can tell you that the words and the language we choose has an impact.

I’m going to close out this post on a tough topic with some resources. If you’d like to find a counseling center near you, a hotline, or learn how to support a survivor, click here. If you’d like to find out about your reporting rights on campus and right to an education free from gender-based violence, click here to learn about Title IX.

Prioritizing Self-Care Over Productivity

Hello there blog,

How’s it going?

I’m sorry I’ve been MIA from you all. I’ve been thinking about writing every day but have needed the break. I feel like my creativity and energy needed a little boost.

These past few months I’ve been ridiculously happier. Probably the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve been surrounded by great people and close friends, working on projects that I’m passionate about, and seeking out new adventures and experiences way out of my comfort zone.

I’ve traveled to new countries by myself, navigated through airports and spaces that didn’t speak English and made my way home, went out of my way to make new friends when I didn’t know a single person in a room, and have worked on having more personal conversations with the people in my life-even if it feels scary.

With all the wonderful things that have been happening in my life lately, I’ve forgotten to keep track of my mental health and make sure I’m taking care of myself. I’ve been under the impression that I’ve been so happy that I don’t need to follow my usual self-care rituals.

But I realize that I still need to make sure that I’m prioritizing self-care.

On a blog where I write about self-care and self-love and mental health frequently, it would seem hypocritical and insincere if I didn’t take a break from this blog to figure out how I’ve been feeling, to relax.

Our culture, that exists under capitalism and favors productivity, caffeine consumption, and constant engagement in projects and activities, doesn’t value relaxation, slowing down, and taking care of ourselves.

Doing things for personal pleasure and not for some sort of end goal oftentimes is seen as being self-indulgent

I love writing. I love this blog. I love running outdoors on sunny days. Why should I have to feel bad for doing these things?

I don’t this blog to turn into something on my to-do list rather than something I genuinely love to do.

Maybe this post is rambly. Maybe it doesn’t make a lot of sense. But my point is, self-care shouldn’t feel self-indulgent. It’s important to not get so wrapped up in the things you feel like you should be doing over the things you want to be doing.

You’re allowed to stop, slow down, relax, and do something you love for a little bit. That’s what I’m trying to do anyways.

It’s a work in progress. Here’s to setting aside some more time for me.

All the best,

Christina

What Impact Has Harry Potter Had On Your Life?

Back in 2007, there was a trend of videos on YouTube called “What Impact Has Harry Potter Had on Your Life” that inspired responses from many others whose lives had been changed drastically by those seven books about a boy wizard.

You might be wondering what this has to do with activism, or feminism, self-love, any of the other topics I normally write about—but stick with me, I have a point.

Last weekend a close friend of mine and I went to the Warner Bros Harry Potter Studio Tour. It was amazing. It was—magical. Totally worth all the money I dropped on wands and notebooks in the gift shop.

Harry Potter meant a lot to 4th grader me. 4th grader me who felt like weirdo kid who had trouble making new friends, who didn’t know what to do with her messy hair, who hated her body—even back then. So I really related to Harry Potter, who also didn’t seem to fit in at school before he rescued by his Hogwarts letter. Harry Potter taught me that there could be a better world out there if you look for it.

Although the world I found in activism isn’t a magical in the sense that there’s spells and wands (well, you bet I own a Hermione Granger wand) but it’s magical in a different way in the sense that I’ve found a little family within the social justice community.

But back when I was 10, 12, 15, etc. I needed the magical world of Harry Potter. Harry Potter was introduced to me by my childhood best friend. It connected me to a YouTube community like Five Awesome Girls and Vlogbrothers which helped me survive my middle school years. Watching cool people doing charity work and talking about books online shaped who I wanted to become as an adult. I wouldn’t be who I am at twenty without Harry Potter—that is not an exaggeration.

I went to book releases, movie premieres, and sought out bookstores with Harry Potter merchandise. The series made me feel proud to be a nerdy little kid who likes books and being good at school. Watching Hermione Granger—a main female character that doesn’t fall into a trope meant a lot to me. Her big, bushy hair, lack of hatred for her body, and the fact that her entire existence wasn’t devoted to looking for a boyfriend refuted all the other messages I was getting from problematic media.

Also the fact that JK Rowling belongs to an exclusive club of successful female authors whose work is known for something “other category” I’ve wanted to become a writer ever since.

I disconnected with the HP fandom when I was sixteen and the person who bought me my first three books in the series stopped being part of my life under very sad circumstances. The Harry Potter world brought me pain after that—I wish it didn’t, but it did.

With time, I got back into it. I re-watched all the movies when I was happy and when I was sad. I listened to the books on tape whenever I couldn’t sleep.

That’s why doing on the WB tour and exploring places in Oxford and exploring places where the movies were filmed was so important to me.

That’s why I’m also grateful for the current community that I’ve found now within the activist community. I think there’s a reason why a lot of YouTubers I used to watch that make videos about Harry Potter now make videos about feminism and social justice initiatives. We were all looking for a magical, better world back then to escape from the hard parts with HP—and now we’re trying to create a magical, more welcoming world.

*I thought I’d kick of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week with a light post about Harry Potter and social justice but be on the look out for more posts this coming week!

Thanks for everything HP.

Christina

Setting Aside Some Time for Yourself

This was originally posted on TheIthacan.org on 2/16/2016.

Given that the past couple of days seemed to be all about Galentine’s Day and Valentine’s Day and generally focusing on relationships, I think it’s time that we put aside some time to focus on ourselves today.

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This time of year can be difficult for a lot of people because of the heavily commercialized, heteronormative, couple-dominated holiday that is Valentine’s Day which excludes a great deal of people who don’t fit extremely narrow societal expectations.

That being said, I do appreciate the idea of stopping to think about the loved ones in our lives, appreciating them, and spending time with those we care about.

I just wish it didn’t have to be a specific day. I just wish it didn’t have to be a holiday that teaches young girls to feel bad about themselves if no one gives them chocolate and flowers.

I’ve spent many Valentine’s Days with close friends—ordering food, watching Netflix, at little gatherings, and one time my friend and I bought a heart-shaped pizza. Taking the time to celebrate and appreciate these relationships and connections is worthwhile—but it can leave you tired at the end of the day and in need of some personal time at the end of the day.

This Valentine’s Day I spent half the day running on four hours of sleep and the other half sleeping. I don’t regret spending my Saturday in full Galentine’s Day swing with games, spaghetti, pink wine, and Harry Potter that continued late into the night—but I was very tired the next day and in need of recharge.

So the next day, I made it my mission to set aside a day for just me—not romantic partners, not friends. Back in 2014, I was really stressed out all the time, I worked a job that required me to take care of other people and respond to problems constantly. I had no time for myself or to take care of myself.

I had to consciously carve out space and time for that. For about six months, I had little “self-care Sundays” which meant that every Sunday I would leave my college campus, stay in my bed, eat a lot of food, or exercise—whatever my mental health and body needed at the time.

That tradition ended when I stopped living alone and I had less physical space to spend the day taking care of myself.

Although I don’t miss the constant stress I felt back then, I do miss that time I used to always set aside just for me.

Which is why the day after Valentine’s Day I bought myself a red rose, a chocolate vegan cupcake, and let myself relax. I spent the rest of the day taking a break, doing a facial, and getting plenty of sleep.

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Yes, you should set aside time to appreciate those you love but you should also set aside time to appreciate and take care of yourself. Doing so will allow you to cultivate better relationships with others.

Here’s to more self-care,

Christina

Healthy, Unconditional Love

I write a lot about relationships on this blog—but I mostly focus on what to look for, spotting negative behaviors, and expectations you should have. I don’t often talk about specific positive ones.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I thought I’d highlight a particular example of positive love that I have in my life.

My parents visited me abroad this week for the first and only time this semester. They left yesterday. I almost never cry. I especially never cry in front of other people—ever. But yesterday I cried in a public tube station and then again in front of my roommates.

So that happened.

My parents are the most important people in my life. I’m lucky to have them as a support system, to be able to call them when I’m in trouble—even if it means they’ll be disappointed—to be able to call them, no matter what, with anything.

It’s hard for me to think about the fact that I won’t see them for over three months now.

But being that sad when they left means that the relationship is strong, that I love them a whole lot. Healthy, unconditional love like that means that you can be mad at them in one moment—and still know that you would never not want them around.

Sadly, not everyone can find this type of love in their familial relationships, so be grateful if you can. Tell those people you love them, even when they’re making you mad, and especially when you don’t feel like it.

I’m going to keep this post short and cheesy to give you space to think about similar relationships you might have in your own life. Take some space—amidst this time of year that especially glorifies romantic love—and think about the people who truly matter to you the most. Tell those people you love them.

All the best,

Christina

Thoughts From (Feminist) Places: The Wonderful Women of Whitechapel Walking Tour

A few days ago, I walked for hours around a part of London I’d never explored before with my Women in Britain class to learn about influential women and their contributions to modern day society—all of women I’d never even heard of before.

The tour gathered outside the Whitechapel tube station in East London. This was an important starting point given the fact that East End of London used to be the home to majority poor immigrants who were unwelcome and place in the same area as all the industry, factories, and pollution. Back then, nobody went out of their way to go to the East End like we did and nobody walked around during their leisure time. In fact, when I looked around at the sights, the shopping centers, skyscrapers, our tour guide told us that the air used to be so contaminated with dirt and ash that you wouldn’t have even been able to see the buildings in distance.

The people of Whitechapel were literally separated from everyone else.

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It gave me an interesting look at the intersection of class, gender, and economic opportunity. These people—who were primarily poor immigrants—worked in poor condition in a toxic environment to produce the products and industry that benefited upper-class people.

Similar to what I noticed at the Imperial War Museum exhibit I wrote about last time, the working class women bore the brunt of the hard work in order to survive and keep the resting of London functioning.

From there, we went on to learn about the impact that women had on the lives of others around East London—something I’ve never had a chance to learn about before. Despite the impact that these women had on contemporary society, nursing, and education, they have been excluded from mainstream history lessons. For example, Princess (and later Queen) of Wales, Alexandra supported the nursing profession and set up labs to work on cures for diseases.

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I hope that one day women’s accomplishments, history, and impact won’t be sectioned off as a “specialty” or “other” category that’s separate from the history we learn about in the classroom. I wish I didn’t have seek out these history lessons on my own through the internet and through taking specific gender studies classes. There shouldn’t be just “women’s history” or “women’s studies,” but the accomplishments should just be acknowledged and not overlooked.

I shouldn’t have to go out of my way to learn about these women and their contributions to mainstream society—they should be included in what we learn about history. If we learn about influential women—past and present—in institutional spaces like the classroom, it will reinforce the idea the accomplishments of women made a difference in our world and they shouldn’t be taken for granted.

For example, one woman in particular that stood out to me was Eva Luckes. Luckes was a matron at London Hospital for thirty-nine years and she made many improvements to the nursing profession and in hospitals in general. In fact, she was so dedicated to her work that she even died at her desk during a shift. Despite being the youngest one there and having to prove herself, she left a strong legacy at the hospital. For example, she came up with the idea of giving sick children spaces to keep their things to make the hospital feel a little bit more like home.

As we kept walking through the streets of London, I saw the places these women once worked at, the charities they started, the community centers they ran, the pubs they went to, and apartment complexes that were targeted during World War II.

I saw the places that facilitated their accomplishments and wished that I could have learned more. As a woman, it’s encouraging to see what young women have done to make their communities and workplaces better.

I also liked how the tour guide highlighted the ways in which the majority of these women worked together and worked for others. Furthermore, many of them looked out for those who lived more on the margins than them, those who were poorer and less privileged.

This should be the aim of contemporary feminism—to consider those who have less social power.

Thoughts From (Feminist) Places: The Imperial War Museum’s “A Women’s War” Exhibit

Have ya’ll seen watched John and Hank Green’s YouTube channel called Vlogbrothers? It’s been a favourite (look at me using British spelling) of mine since I was in middle school and John Green only had one book out. One of my favourite parts of the channel was the Thoughts from Places series. Just like it sounds, John or Hank would go somewhere and then share what they noticed and learned.

In an effort to combine by love of exploring and learning things, I’m going to be doing the same thing while I’m abroad—but with a feminist twist (the internet loves the feminist take on things, right?)

The Imperial War Museum’s exhibit featuring Lee Miller’s photography based in London, UK, highlighted the experience of World War II from the eyes of women. It’s been interesting to learn about World War II in the UK and in a space where the war actually took place. The war happened in the backyards of the people of London—this exhibit showcased the damage, and the impact it had on women’s lives.

When it comes to war, we oftentimes focus on the men who fight and forget about the women who did the dirty work back home or who fought themselves. We forget the working-class women who worked round the clock in dangerous conditions.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t allowed to take pictures, but the exhibit also depicted class differences and showed how the war greatly impacted working-class women over upper-class women. For example, one image showed two women posing in hats. Hats were eventually taxed to save materials for the war effort, so only certain women could afford them. These images were positioned next to women working in factories manufacturing weapons for the war. Other images so trauma, destroyed homes, and damage from working in unsafe conditions. It effectively captured the complexity of the time and the varying impact it had on different kinds of women.

The exhibit also exemplified the ways in which women’s social roles were changing because of the war. They transitioned from being unable to work outside the home to making up the majority of workforce. The war facilitated more interactions between men and women that weren’t as socially accepted before. It changed norms in a sense.

At the same time, I noticed that some gender norms were still reinforced and the way these women were portrayed in the display both challenged and conformed to them. What I mean is, women were still responsible for taking on the housework and familiar responsibilities (in addition to working). Most of their work was also more of the grunt work for the war which they weren’t always given credit for—which is why I appreciate that this exhibit highlighted that experience. Women were put in action roles, operating radios, serving as nurses, caring for children, and standing among damage. They were both impacted by and strong participants in the war—they weren’t side characters.

The display also worked against the male gaze because it was done by women and showcased only women. The photographs enabled the public to see the war from the eyes of women—literally. Some of the photos wouldn’t have been taken otherwise. We were able to see the women’s washroom and other intimate moments of these women’s lives that we couldn’t have seen otherwise.

I also appreciated the way female sexuality was embraced and captured. Several images depicted women as sexual beings in a way that wasn’t objectifying, but a protest of the constraints on women at the time. The fact that naked women were shown also showed changing social perceptions about women. In one image, a woman named Lee Miller depicted herself half-naked with her arms pinned up behind her, representing the way in which women are pinned down by both war, their sexuality, and the surrounding culture.

This exhibit captured women’s experience and role in World War II in a unique, dynamic way that I strongly recommend. I can’t wait to discover more spaces that highlights the voices and lives of women throughout London and beyond.